By the Seat of Merlin's Pants
by mulberryjam
Summary: After the Defense Against the Dark Arts O.W.L. and the end of her fifth year at Hogwarts, Lily Evans' world turns upside down. In her eyes, it's all her arrogant housemate James Potter's fault that her life is a total mess. Drama, friendship, and lots of sexual tension abound as Sixth Year dawns, people mature, and relationships change. It's going to be a bumpy ride.
1. A Prologue

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my own poor verses.**

Author's Note:  
This is a return to one of my older works-in-progress which has been sitting in my documents folder for far too long. I'm going to make a bold attempt to actually finish this soon to be multi-chapter fic, but I will warn you that updates may be few and far between. Another warning, I did start writing this four-ish years ago back when I was still in high school, so beware! HAHAHAHA  
Thank you so much for reading and please let me know how you liked it./p

_~Prologue~_

The stiflingly hot afternoon was broken only by the breeze that swept up off the Black Lake and over the group of girls seated by its shore. The heat kept most of the party safely ensconced under a small group of trees, but two girls braved the sun and were standing knee deep in the cool waters of the lake.

In sharp contrast to the relative quiet of the day, a boisterous laugh came from the group as one of the girls in the lake slipped and fell only to reemerge drenched. Her wet hair lank around her laughing face as she covered her chest (whether out of modesty or cold was unclear), she shivered slightly as another breeze blew over the water from the far shore. Another wave of bright laughter followed her quip about slippery footing as the two in the lake moved to rejoin their party on shore.

Cold and covered with goosebumps, the unfortunately drenched girl called out, "Would one of you fools mind handing me my robe?"

A moment later something large and dark struck her square in the face. She quickly pulled a thin piece of wood from a hidden pocket, muttered something indistinct, and pointed it at herself. Her clothes suddenly began steaming as the water evaporated and left her dry. As she sat down next to the rest of her friends she twisted her still damp hair up, stuck her wand in it for safe keeping, and listened to the conversation.

"- was just horrible. I knew I'd do badly, but now I know for certain I won't have to take Defense for my N.E.W.T.S." The girl paused to look around emphatically at the group. "I mean, really, do they honestly think that I would be able to remember all that first year rubbish about what defines a hex compared to a jinx and the different classes of curses? I memorized the spells, isn't that enough?" She slumped back against a tree and glared at the dirt.

The girl with the wet hair sighed and narrowed her eyes at her friend, "Honestly, are we still on about how Mary failed her Defense O.W.L.? We still have the practical, I don't understand what you're so worked up over. Can't we enjoy one afternoon without studying or practicing or anything school related?"

Lily just because you passed all your exams doesn't mean we did!" cried Mary.

Lily immediately jumped up to knock her fist on a tree, "You can't say things like that, you'll jinx me!" but there was no malice in her voice and she winked as she returned to her seat.

The girl next to Mary looked up from her nails and smirked at Lily. "It's hopeless pretending otherwise, we all know you passed with flying colors. If I didn't know you so well I'd swear you flirted the examiners into all your O's."

Scoffing, Lily turned to the girl who had been wading in the lake with her... who avoided Lily's gaze with practiced ease.

"Don't look at me like that Evans. You know perfectly well that-" She stopped abruptly, her eyes focusing on something a little while down the bank, then continued in an undertone, "Lily you're attracting attention- No don't look!"

Lily stopped mid-turn and sat back down on her heels as Alice said, "It's your favorite admirer. He's been stealing glances over here all afternoon."

Lily's head snapped to the front and the corners of her mouth now had the slightest taste of a frown skirting around them. She heaved a great sigh and fell onto her back. "I wish-" she began, and when she could think of nothing helpful, settled for a strangled moan.

All the girls sent each-other sympathetic looks and said "I know," at the same time in varying degrees of irritation. Their mental eye-rolls were so loud Lily looked up, huffed in indignation, and lay back again. The conversation started up again and soon the group was involved in a passionate discussion about the Quidditch World Cup. Marlene was giving an impassioned defense of the Holyhead Harpies' chance at making it to the final when the sounds of an argument from down the bank reached their ears.

The girls turned to look and saw the commotion was coming from the same group of people Alice had pointed out. They exchanged a quick look, carefully avoiding the eyes of their damp-haired companion. From her spot on the grass, Lily closed her eyes and sighed "If that's those third years again, I'm not taking care of it. Alice, it's your turn." When none of the others replied, she opened one eye to peer at them. "Well? What is it then? You all seem positively riveted."

There was a little pause before the fifth girl bit her lip and turned to Lily. "It's not the third years..." she trailed off uncomfortably as if bracing for impact.

"Oh honestly!" Lily sat up and finally got a look at where the argument was coming from. There was a second where nothing happened and then she went rigid. In one vicious movement, she straightened and pulled her wand from her hair, her pale face now stark with small angry blotches blooming on her cheeks. She turned to her friends and said "Give me a moment" before whipping her head around and stalking off.

The girls all stared after Lily as she headed towards the sounds of an argument before Mary said lightly, "I don't envy them in the least; did you see her ears? Already bright red. That always the worst."

"Yeah, somehow I don't think she'll be back." sighed Alice as she turned resolutely away from the retreating form of her friend, "Make sure one of you lot grab her bag."


	2. Hell Hath No Fury Like A Witch

**Disclaimer: I own noting but my own poor verses.**

A/N Here we go! I know it's a bit short, and I'm not sure how I like the end but it's ok and it's done. So there.

_Chapter 1_

_or_

_Hell Hath No Fury Like A Witch_

Lily Evans sat in the common room of Gryffindor tower and tried to set the carpet on fire with her eyes. Angry and emotionally exhausted, the carpets continued refusal to spontaneously combust did nothing but infuriate her further. She could not believe today. How could it have been only this morning that she had taken her Defense O.W.L.? It seemed a week had gone by since then.

"Stupid boys." she muttered with feeling and punched the cushion she was holding into a more comfortable shape. "Why must they always" Punch. "ruin" Punch. "everything?!" She threw the cushion into the wall next to the fireplace. It hit with a thump and slid down to the floor, looking quite the worse for wear. Lily untangled herself from the sofa and stalked after it. She snatched it up again and patted it in apology.

"It's not your fault of course." she addressed the cushion on the way back to her sofa (completely oblivious to the first year who walked around two tables to stay out of her warpath). "You didn't make them rotten or selfish or terrible. They did that themselves I suppose... or it's born into them."

She slammed herself into the sofa with more force than necessary and angrily hugged the cushion to her chest. It let out a small wheeze as all the air was forced out of it. As Lily resumed her furious glare at the carpet, she seemed to pause for a moment until a thought struck her and she jumped up angrily and began to pace.

"Except it isn't all of them! Does Remus feel the need to assert possession over his friends? No! Does Dumbledore infuriate people for the fun of it? No!" Her tirade continued on for several minutes, accented here and there with particularly vicious kicks at nearby furniture and punches to her dilapidated cushion, as the other occupants of the common room slowly decided they had other places to be. One second year in particular came down the boys staircase, turned right around, and headed back up to his dorm rather than enter the common room currently occupied by the savage and feral looking fifth year girl.

Abruptly Lily collapsed into an armchair and gave her cushion a tight hug. Tucking her face into it's worn fabric she hiccuped away the beginning of a sob before quickly rubbing her eyes with more force than was needed. She pushed her chin forward and gave her head a brisk shake. No, she thought, she would not cry over some stupid boys. She didn't need to waste her tears on them. They weren't worth it. With that thought she resumed her venomous glaring at the carpet.

It was in this attitude that Mary Macdonald and Marlene McKinnon found their year mate and friend as they climbed through the portrait hole on their way back from dinner. Upon entering the common room, Marlene made to turn right around before Mary snatched her arm and gave her a quelling look. The two then made their way gingerly over to Lily.

Lily, getting more and more irritated that the carpet refused to burn, looked up as the two girls sat down quietly on the sofa across from her. There was an awkward sort of stillness before Marlene ventured in a bright and falsely cheery voice, "Evans! I thought we'd find you here."

Mary's eyebrows went up. After shooting a 'what the hell are you on about' look at her sofa-mate, she reached out a hand. "Lily darling, leave that poor thing alone. Whats it ever done to you?" After a flustered pause where Lily looked quite taken aback, Mary gestured again.

"The cushion darling."

"What...?" Lily trailed off as she looked down at the cushion she was clutching. It was worn and badly buffeted. There was a small tear in one of it's seams and a little stuffing was poking out. "Oh."

Mary gestured again for the cushion and after it was passed to her she set about pushing the stuffing back into place. They sat in silence as the cushion was plumped, the rip resewn with magic, and the cushion set gently on the opposite end of the sofa.

No one spoke until Mary turned back to the group and looked expectantly at Lily.

Marlene broke the silence first.

"So Lily... er... we all sort of know the gist of what happened this afternoon but... er..." she shared a look with Mary who nodded and motioned for Marlene to continue. "Well... we don't actually know much about the specifics... but... Lily we're worried about you. You haven't been this mad since... well... since I don't know when. And though I don't know the particulars about what went on this afternoon with the lads and Snape-"

Lily let out a noise like an angry cat.

"- I'm sure you don't need to be so worked up about it. I mean really. You're acting like a four year old throwing a tantrum, and dearest, it doesn't suit you at all!"

Mary jumped in as Lily opened her mouth to argue.

"I'm sure you feel like this temper is needed, but can't you funnel it into something more productive than scaring all the first years out of the common room with your funk? Come on Lily, I thought you were the grownup here. Aren't you supposed to forgive and forget or something?"

There was a huffy sound from their friend in the armchair and something that sounded a lot like "Fat chance" before Mary continued.

"Are you going to force Marlene and I to act like adults because I can tell you right now it won't be pretty."

Lily looked up from the still unburned carpet and her friends were startled to see the beginning of angry tears in her eyes.

"Ok! Change of plan," said Marlene hastily, "we never mention Snape-"

Another hiss.

"-again and we make sure to avoid him at all costs. Does that sound better dear?"

Lily nodded then shook her head then cried out in annoyance and slammed her head into her palms.

"Misnf jt snuhp."

Marlene looked at Mary who sighed and said, "Lily we can't understand you if you're trying to smother yourself."

Removing her head from her hands, face stricken, Lily repeated, "It's not just Snape." When she was greeted by nothing but raised eyebrows she continued very quietly, "It's Potter too."

A moment of silence followed this pronouncement during which the two other girls shared a glance. Then Marlene burst out laughing.

"It's Potter too? Merlin Lily! And I thought this wasn't just a normal row!" she exclaimed, relaxing back into the couch. She was still chuckling and seemed not to notice the sharp look Mary threw at her as she continued. "I mean, if this is just normal Potter-Evans fallout I can stop worrying!"

Lily looked highly offended. Mary, having given up on Marlene's obvious lack of armchair-side manner and willingness to receive subtext laden looks, turned to Lily. "I'm sorry about her, I forgot that she's about as sensitive as a wart in these situations. Now what do you mean it was Potter too? I though you were mad about Sna- Severus calling you a... well... you know."

Lily, who was looking at Marlene as if she'd just insulted her mother, turned to Mary and said shortly, "Oh I am. Believe me. But he might not have done if Potter hadn't goaded him into it for no good reason. And then I'd still have my oldest friend and wouldn't feel like such a fool."

Mary didn't know how to follow that pronouncement and was searching for something, anything, to say, when Lily burst out, "And then he has the gall to ask me out, carefree as anything, while Sev- while Snape was hanging upside-down and helpless right there. Like I the only reason I had come over wasn't because I'd just seen him hex my friend, but to see him! As if I'd ever- He's the absolute- I have standards!"

Marlene had started giggling again, but this time Mary's dirty look did the trick because she halfheartedly tried to cover it up with a very fake coughing fit.

Lily was flushed all the way up her to her ears and it was clear that this heightened color in her complexion was not from the pleasure of being asked out by James Potter earlier that afternoon.

"I know you do Lily," said Mary soothingly, "but is this really all because he asked you out again? We all know that isn't exactly outside the norm so why are you so..." she trailed off.

" So what exactly Mary?" said Lily acidly, turning her glare away from the still amused Marlene and onto Mary. Mary chose her words carefully before responding.

"Why are you so much more vindictively passionate than usual?"

"Vindictively _passionate_?!" Lily's voice could have been heard in Sweden. "The only time I'll ever show passion in regards to that complete and utter dung heap of a person- no he lacks the basic human decency to be a person- that thing is when I'm finally rid of the annoying, arrogant tosser!"

There was a beat of silence and then, "Hey Evans. I thought I heard your dulcet tones."

A boy with shoulder length dark hair, deep-set eyes, and a handsome nose padded over to the couch and squished himself between Marlene and Mary. He had the sort of face most girls looked twice at; an easy smiling slope to his lips gave the impression he was always laughing at some sort of secret joke while his eyes were almost as black as his name. Though on this occasion, his mouth was formed into a more serious expression.

"Sirius Black, I do not want to talk to you right now," said Lily shortly, angling her body as far away from him as she could manage in the armchair.

"Lily," he began in an apologetic tone, "I really didn't mean for-"

"For me to see you torturing my best friend? Yeah, I bet you didn't." She glowered at the carpet again. It was still resolutely refusing to catch fire.

"Lily," he began again, "I didn't mean for it to get that out of hand. It really... I wasn't... James didn't mean-"

"Don't speak that name in my presence."

"Lily," he said again, and when she still refused to look at him he said, "Lily I'm sorry."

She had started looking at the wall rather than the disobliging carpet.

"Lily I didn't mean to set up Snape like that. It's just..." he said haltingly and then the floodgates opened, "he'd hexed Wormy on Monday and it was our first opportunity to get him back for it so obviously we weren't going to miss out. And he's been up our tails ever since earlier this year when..." Sirius trailed off looking sheepish.

"Anyway, I didn't mean to make him say those things. I know what it's like loosing someone you care about to the Dark Arts, I mean... well you know about my family." He reached up and ran his hand through his hair distractedly. "And you've got to believe me when I say that Jam- that Potter isn't anything like that. He'd never call you a... a... anything but a compliment. Come on Evans."

And when she still glared resolutely at the wall he sighed and made to stand up again. "Well ladies, I can't say this hasn't been riveting," he said, reverting back to his usual suave manner. He nodded to both Mary and a now sober Marlene and made to head up the staircase to the boys dormitories. He had already pulled the door open when he paused and looked back at the three girls still sitting by the fire.

"You know Evans if you ever want to talk, anytime, about anything, I'm here alright?" and with that he shut the door behind him and left the girls once more alone in the common room.

Lily sighed a deep sigh, looked over at her friends sitting anxiously on the couch across from her, and smiled a little wryly. "Thanks Mary, Marlene. Sorry for flying off the handle like that. Can we just... lets just nip down to the kitchens and eat some pudding alright? I don't really want to talk about this afternoon right now. So can we just... leave it till tomorrow?"

Mary and Marlene exchanged looks.

"Well!" said Marlene getting up and stretching her arms over her head, "I'm always down for some pudding. Come on Mary let's go!" and she pulled her friend upright off the couch.

Still looking a trifle wary, Mary said, "If you're sure Lily," and when the other girl nodded emphatically Mary broke into a small smile and linked arms with her.

"Best be off then." she said and the three girls traipsed back out of the Gryffindor common room and off on a quest for some much-needed pudding.


End file.
